Locked it away on my hard drive where it wouldn't see the light of day until we were both dying or somebody interested came around.

These Are The Things You Did, I could say.

Oh, she'd say. I Was Kind Of A Gitte.

Yes, I'd reply. Now We Have It Out In The Open.

Really, its not such a bit deal anymore, those things. Its what you compulsively focus on for a while until your heart stops hurting finally. Letting go of them makes the hurt go away and so we proceed.

Unwrapping yourself of that goes so much further.

I can remember now some of what it was I loved about her, her directness for example. She pulled me out of my shell and crawled in there after me so many times. It was good to be with her because you had to live out in the open. There was no room for wiggling or lies becasue she'd see right through that.

At times I could have sworn she was in my head, like sitting beside me in the room where our personality resides. MAke room in there for another ego, kids!

I'll never understand what the hell happened. Nor, realy why the hell it happened in the first place. Right place wrong time? Wrong guy right girl?

Now its all spin control and vectors. At is it always is.

We'll always have show and spectacle.